I visited an old friend in the hospital the other day. His body savaged by the ravages of time and disease he was in a rather cheerful mood. We chatted about our past and things we had done as young men. Fun times we had and trouble we had gotten in together. We both smiled. I finally asked him how he was feeling and he smiled and said as good as could be expected. I nodded and asked if he had any regrets. He said he had many. He said he regretted that he never got to travel to all the places he wanted to go and that he regretted that he never got to do all the things he wanted. He wondered if his life had been a waste. He regretted that he never told the one woman he truly loved how much he loved her for he feared that she would have rejected and ridiculed him. He watched her marry another and with a broken heart he never loved again.

He wondered to me if he had lived his life the right way. He wasn’t a rich man he felt but he had done ok. His bills had always been paid on time and he didn’t owe anyone anything. He had worked an ok job, not exciting but ok. It had provided a roof over his head and it had put food on his table. It enabled him to have a nice vehicle in which to get around in and do the things in life he thought he should. Still, he wondered if he should have done more, if he had missed out on something.

He told me that the woman he had loved so much those many years ago came to see him. She had heard that he was ill and wasn’t long for this existence much longer and she wanted to come and say goodbye. She told him that she too loved him greatly those many years ago and that she too was too shy to say anything to him. She said that even though she married another and had moved away that he was always in her thoughts everyday. I could tell that this had made him a little sad but also it made him smile because he now knew that she did in fact love him.

I asked him if there were anything he would have changed about his life. He said that there was probably very little he would have changed other than telling his one true love how much he had cared for her and that perhaps he would have traveled to all those places he wanted to see.

He grasped my hand and gave it a squeeze and he thanked me for being such a good friend. I looked at him puzzled and I was rather surprised at this. I had never considered myself a good friend. While we had hung out together as younger men and had many misadventures together we had lost touch as of late and hadn’t see much of each other. Life got in the way. When he saw my puzzlement he smiled and said “you always listened to me”, “no matter how stupid of a thought it was or how redundant the story, you always listened to me”. I smile and nodded, a tear running down my cheek. I knew that once I had left here I would never see my friend again. He said “thank you for all those years of enjoyment and excitement and wonderment you brought to my life”. “We had many a great adventure and misadventures together didn’t we?” I laughed and said “yes we did”.

I could see him growing weary and I told him that I guess that I had best be leaving. He nodded saying he was tired and would like to rest. I excused myself and I went into the bathroom to “wash” my face and to gather myself. I looked into the mirror at myself and I saw not only myself but my friend as well. I saw both of us as young men, full of life and amazement at the world around us. I now saw me for who I had become, a bitter and spiteful old man. I wondered if I would have as much dignity as my friend when it became my time to pass on or would I be bitter and resentful.

I walked out of the bathroom and my friend was sleeping. I leaned over and squeezed his hand and kissed him on the forehead. I whispered into his ear “thank YOU for being my friend, I will miss you with all my heart”. With that I left.

Later that night I received a call from the nurse that cared for him and she said that he had passed. She said after I had left he had a smile on his face the rest of the evening and that he passed with that smile on his face.

As I sit here at his funeral, I see that he did indeed live a rich full life. There are more beautiful flowers from co-workers, business associates and friend, my god, all the friends. The room is full of people I do not know, all talking about what a special person he was and how much he will be truly missed. My friend lived a rich full life and never realized it. He touched many people and never knew. As they lay him to his final resting place, I place a single red rose on his casket and put my hand on it as if to say goodbye one last time. I walk away, the bitter cold stinging at me as I pull the collar up over my coat. A tear runs down my cheek. I think to myself, Goodbye my old friend, god speed to you.