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You
have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful..
Barbara Streisand sings for
you. |
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You
have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So? |
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You
have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell
him how to manage his
cow. |
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You
have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with
milk.
You wait in line for hours to get
it.
It is expensive and
sour. |
CAPITALISM,
AMERICAN STYLE |
You
have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
cows. |
BUREAUCRACY,
AMERICAN STYLE |
You
have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to
shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the
drain. |
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You
have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to
produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You
spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing
expenses.
Your stock goes
up. |
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You
have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three
cows.
You go to lunch and drink
wine.
Life is
good. |
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You
have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk..
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded
trains.
Most are at the top of their
class at cow
school. |
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You
have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13
weeks of vacation per
year. |
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You
have two cows but you don't know where they
are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful
woman.
You break for
lunch.
Life is
good. |
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You
have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five
cows.
You have some more
vodka.
You count them again and learn you
have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and
takes over however many cows you really
have. |
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You
have all the cows in Afghanistan,
which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature's
private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the
US
government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy
weapons. |
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You
have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their
mooing. |
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You
have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
milk
them. |
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You
have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's
Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with
the French cow.
The French cow wants
control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The
cow asks permission to be cut in half..
The cow dies
happy. |
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You
have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
accidentally vote for the black one.
Some
people vote for both.
Some people vote
for neither..
Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a
bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking
cow. |
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You
have millions of cows.
They make real California
cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big
udders. |
Outils 
